"Tom Goldstein's Back": A Musical Interlude
Yesterday, having heard nothing about me from Ramesh Ponnuru in several days -- nothing, that is, since his post of Friday, March 4 -- I engaged a fellow I know to install a recording device in the National Review offices occupied by Ponnuru and his cohort. It was critical, I thought, to get some idea of what was going on over there.
As a result, I now have powerful additional evidence of the conspiracy to destroy me (along with Larry Tribe) in advance of the upcoming hearings on the confirmation of Chief Justice Rehnquist's successor. That way, there will be no one left to oppose the ongoing radical-right plot to alter the existing ideological balance of the U.S. Supreme Court by replacing the Chief Justice with -- imagine! -- a conservative jurist.
The tape, delivered to me this evening, reveals that this morning, as soon as Ponnuru and his colleagues read my new post, titled, "Could this be the end?," Ponnuru's colleagues broke out in song much as the characters sometimes did on the television show "Ally McBeal." Apparently, Ponnuru's colleagues were teasing Ponnuru about the sudden, threatening reemergence of his nemesis (me), Rip-van-Winkle style, after three days of silence (an eternity in the Blogosphere), seeking to reignite my "flame war" with Ponnuru.
Although perhaps part of the song was in jest, I believe if you look closely at the words, some of it constitutes what we lawyers call an “admission of a party opponent" which I can use in my upcoming libel case against Ponnuru, the National Review, and anyone who has posted or who posts in the future on The Corner about me.
(Aside: Erik, you’re wrong to say what Ponnuru and his cohort have done to me constitutes “slander." Because it was in writing, you should have called it “libel” or, more generically, “defamation.” You’re a great friend, but really, you need to be more careful. You don’t want people going around thinking you’re rock-dumb too! Also, talking about “erroneous slanders” seems redundant, don’t you think? Still, I sure appreciate you using your perch on The Volokh Conspiracy to defend me. As everyone knows, if you read it on The Volokh Conspiracy, it must be true.)
Ponnuru's colleagues called the song "Tom Goldstein's Back," inspired quite likely by one of Ponnuru's posts. They sang it to the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back," a 1963 hit by The Angels. I haven't had time to digitize and upload the tape I received this evening, but to give you a quick sense of the powerful evidence I've collected about the conspiracy against me and Larry Tribe, here are the lyrics of the song they sang to Ponnuru. If you want to sing along, there's a MIDI file with the music here. Enjoy!
(Spoken by the editors of NR to Ramesh Ponnuru)
Tom went away, and you hung around
And laughed at him, every night
And when we mentioned his name
You said he stole your websites
(Sung by editors of NR to Ramesh Ponnuru):
Tom Goldstein's back, and you’re gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
When you see him comin', better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
You've been spreadin' lies that he was untrue
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
So look out now, 'cause he’s comin' after you
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
(Hey, he knows that you've been slimin')
(And he knows that you've been lyin')
He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
Now he's back, and he’ll put it on the line
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
'Cause he's real well liked, and not partisan
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
(Hey, you know he wasn't cheatin')
(Now, you're gonna get a beatin')
What made you think he'd tolerate all your lies?
(Wah-ooo, wah-ooo)
(You're a big man now, but he'll cut you down to size)
(Wah-ooo, wait and see!)
Tom Goldstein's back, he’s gonna kill your "reputation"
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
Yeah, Tom Goldstein’s back
Look out now, Tom Goldstein’s back
Well, I can see him bloggin'
So you better get a typin'
Alright now
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Tom Goldstein’s back now
I know he’s comin’ after you
Because he knows he’s been true now
Yeah, yeah, yeah . . .
As a result, I now have powerful additional evidence of the conspiracy to destroy me (along with Larry Tribe) in advance of the upcoming hearings on the confirmation of Chief Justice Rehnquist's successor. That way, there will be no one left to oppose the ongoing radical-right plot to alter the existing ideological balance of the U.S. Supreme Court by replacing the Chief Justice with -- imagine! -- a conservative jurist.
The tape, delivered to me this evening, reveals that this morning, as soon as Ponnuru and his colleagues read my new post, titled, "Could this be the end?," Ponnuru's colleagues broke out in song much as the characters sometimes did on the television show "Ally McBeal." Apparently, Ponnuru's colleagues were teasing Ponnuru about the sudden, threatening reemergence of his nemesis (me), Rip-van-Winkle style, after three days of silence (an eternity in the Blogosphere), seeking to reignite my "flame war" with Ponnuru.
Although perhaps part of the song was in jest, I believe if you look closely at the words, some of it constitutes what we lawyers call an “admission of a party opponent" which I can use in my upcoming libel case against Ponnuru, the National Review, and anyone who has posted or who posts in the future on The Corner about me.
(Aside: Erik, you’re wrong to say what Ponnuru and his cohort have done to me constitutes “slander." Because it was in writing, you should have called it “libel” or, more generically, “defamation.” You’re a great friend, but really, you need to be more careful. You don’t want people going around thinking you’re rock-dumb too! Also, talking about “erroneous slanders” seems redundant, don’t you think? Still, I sure appreciate you using your perch on The Volokh Conspiracy to defend me. As everyone knows, if you read it on The Volokh Conspiracy, it must be true.)
Ponnuru's colleagues called the song "Tom Goldstein's Back," inspired quite likely by one of Ponnuru's posts. They sang it to the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back," a 1963 hit by The Angels. I haven't had time to digitize and upload the tape I received this evening, but to give you a quick sense of the powerful evidence I've collected about the conspiracy against me and Larry Tribe, here are the lyrics of the song they sang to Ponnuru. If you want to sing along, there's a MIDI file with the music here. Enjoy!
"Tom Goldstein's Back"
by the editors of the National Review
to the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back"
(Spoken by the editors of NR to Ramesh Ponnuru)
Tom went away, and you hung around
And laughed at him, every night
And when we mentioned his name
You said he stole your websites
(Sung by editors of NR to Ramesh Ponnuru):
Tom Goldstein's back, and you’re gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
When you see him comin', better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
You've been spreadin' lies that he was untrue
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
So look out now, 'cause he’s comin' after you
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
(Hey, he knows that you've been slimin')
(And he knows that you've been lyin')
He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
Now he's back, and he’ll put it on the line
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
'Cause he's real well liked, and not partisan
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
(Hey, you know he wasn't cheatin')
(Now, you're gonna get a beatin')
What made you think he'd tolerate all your lies?
(Wah-ooo, wah-ooo)
(You're a big man now, but he'll cut you down to size)
(Wah-ooo, wait and see!)
Tom Goldstein's back, he’s gonna kill your "reputation"
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey-la-day-la, Tom Goldstein’s back)
Yeah, Tom Goldstein’s back
Look out now, Tom Goldstein’s back
Well, I can see him bloggin'
So you better get a typin'
Alright now
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Tom Goldstein’s back now
I know he’s comin’ after you
Because he knows he’s been true now
Yeah, yeah, yeah . . .
posted by Tommy Goldstein at 11:56 PM
